Sounds too obvious? Keep reading 📖 

"OK, sure, won't that mean I just get trampled over?" 

No, and here's why:

1) Listening isn't a silent, passive thing. It's very important to give verbal nods like "mmm, a-huh", as well as non-verbal especially eye contact. 

-  This shows you're fully focused on the conversation. 

2) Being curious by asking open questions helps the person to share what they're experiencing and you to understand their perspective. Helping them to express what's going on for them, not aiming at others. 

- Helping someone explore their thoughts is very helpful. Using open questions keeps them talking and thinking. 

3) Keeping yourself steady is when you're aware of your thoughts, body and reactions and are managing to regulate yourself. It's all too easy to feel a reaction building, especially if you totally disagree with something. That's OK, you're not having to agree with everything their saying.

- You being steady means there more chance for the other to keep steady and the conversation continue. 

4) Be ready to reflect back what you've heard. If necessary, take notes and let the other person know that's what you're doing. At an appropriate time, share back what you've heard and whether you've understood what they were saying. 

- This helps the other person to see their position from what you've heard.

5) Seek to understand, not solve. Using the tips above will help you both to ensure there's a solid understanding of what's going on. This is critical before anything else can happen. 

- Solving can come later, right now it's about validating the other person so they feel seen and heard.

All of this is a two way street and we have to pick a direction to help get the traffic flowing again. 

It doesn't mean there isn't the opportunity for you to be listened to like this, it means you're doing your part to move the difficulty forwards.